How to cope with children’s tantrums
Children’s tantrums terrify parents. However, this is an integral part of childhood, and parents can not do anything about it.
Faced with childish tantrums, you can lose your temper. This is your test of patience, and you must pass it to the end.
Consider why children have tantrums, how parents deal with them and in what cases the child needs medical care.
What is hysteria
Psychologists say that hysteria is a reaction of a child in situations when he can not control his emotional impulses. The child loses self-control and ignores the rules of behavior, which previously adhered to.Tantrums most often occur with children from one and a half years and usually pass to four years. However, some children continue to have tantrums later.
Why do children get hysterical?
Tantrums occur when the child is trying to cope with what is happening around. It is difficult for a child of any age.
Consider the main causes of children’s tantrums.
1. Insufficiently formed prefrontal cortex
the prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain that regulates Executive functions, including social skills, communication, and adherence to moral norms;
sometimes in young children, the prefrontal cortex is not yet fully developed. Because of this, they can not adequately respond in cases where something is not understood. This leads to hysteria;
the prefrontal cortex usually Matures by the age of four years or older.
2. Underdeveloped limbic system
the limbic system of the brain is closely related to the prefrontal cortex and is responsible for controlling emotions such as fear, frustration, anger, or joy;
insufficient development of the limbic system often leads children to confusion. Because of this, children are unable to accurately Express their emotions. This leads to hysteria. And until the child develops a cerebral cortex, hysteria is the only way in which the child expresses his feelings and satisfies his needs;
like the prefrontal cortex, the limbic system can remain undeveloped for up to four years.
One of the causes of tantrums in children is a complex nature. Tough and intolerant of change, children are more prone to tantrums than others. In addition, their tantrums are more intense than the others.
4. Features of communication
Often hysterics for the child – the only way to communicate their feelings, if his speech is not yet sufficiently developed. Thus, the child may try to communicate that he is hungry, upset, tired, sick, he has something hurts, etc.
5. The child draws attention to itself or reports about the needs
The child can use different cues to attract attention. But if you do not pay attention to him or do not understand what he wants, the child can fall into hysterics.
6. Excessive severity of parents
If you are too strict with the child and do not allow him to try something new, learn and make mistakes, the home atmosphere weighs on him. He gets upset and shows it in the form of hysteria.
Failure to learn a new skill (such as tying shoelaces or folding clothes) can cause a child to feel helpless and unable to cope with a task. Ultimately, this can cause hysteria.
8. External cause
Parents expect children over the age of three to behave well at home, away and in kindergarten. It is difficult for a child to behave well for a long time, so when he comes home, he can fall into hysterics.
9. Home and family
Any domestic situations in which the parents feel anxious (for example, family conflicts, divorce, illness of one of the parents), can also affect the child.
Hysteria in a child may be caused by one or more of the above factors. However, most often its appearance is associated with certain situations.
Situations that lead a child to hysteria
1. Discomfort. Children can become hysterical when they find themselves in uncomfortable or confusing situations – for example, being in a crowded place or noisy company.
2. The reaction of the parents. Children become hysterical when their parents are aggressive towards them, shouting or laughing at them. If parents show different reactions to the child’s behavior, it further confuses him and provokes hysteria.
3. Inability to explain their needs. When a child cannot explain what he wants, he feels helpless. To Express his disappointment, he becomes hysterical.
The best way to deal with childish tantrums is to stay calm. Only then can you find a solution to this problem.
How to cope with a child’s tantrum
Over time, you will learn to calm the child and control his mood. But even if you still do not know how, we advise you to use such recommendations.
1. Pay no attention to the tantrum. Try to be distracted by something, so as not to react to the situation rudely. But this will not work in situations where the child causes himself physical harm or falls into a tantrum just because you do not pay attention to him.
2. Keep quiet. If a child’s tantrum occurs at home, it is worth keeping calm. This will require a lot of effort and patience. If the child becomes hysterical in a public place, take him away from there. Offer him a few options where you can go. Having a choice sooner or later will calm the child.
3. Do not allow violence from the child. If the child screams, struggles or throws things, stop him immediately. Let him know that violence is unacceptable. But first of all, make sure that you do not show aggression. If the child misbehaves, you can deprive him of certain privileges. Thus, the child will understand that he is loved, but his behavior is unacceptable.
4. Try to understand the child’s reaction. When he communicates with you, try to understand what he wants to say. Ask him a few clarifying questions to make it easier for him to Express his thoughts. That’ll calm him down.”
5. Do not keep the child from crying. Parents, of course, it is difficult to see the child crying. But do not keep the child from crying. Crying releases the stress hormone cortisol. When the child cries, he will be in a good mood again.
6. Not overdo. Do not force the child to constantly hold back, whether at home or on the street. Even if a child becomes hysterical, it does not mean that he will behave in the same way on the street. The child should know that home is a place where he can Express his feelings without any constraint. Support the child in this.
7. Apologize if you overreacted. If you lose your temper, say something like, ” Sorry, mom got excited.” The child should understand that everyone is wrong, and it is normal if it does not happen too often.
8. Be tough. Your apology does not mean that you have agreed to all of the child’s demands. If he asks for something you can’t give him, be firm. Let him know that if you say no, you will not change your mind.
9. Connect with your child. Hysterical child does not mean that he is trying to manipulate you. In fact, the child may accept your refusal, and his hysteria is a reaction to such a situation. Therefore, do not judge the child and do not move away from him because of his behavior. Establish a connection with him – it will weaken his tension.
10. Give your child a choice. Offer him several options and offer to choose the one that he likes more. Offer options for meals, games that you will play with him, and activities that he can do. So the child will be sure that he is considered, and not ignored.
11. Praise the child’s good behavior. Seeing that you support certain actions, the child will understand what you expect from him. He will probably repeat this behavior again.
12. Use sign language. If the child is not yet talking, try to communicate with him using signs. Instead of getting hysterical, he can communicate his needs to you through sign language. This will help prevent tantrums.
With patience, you can deal with childish tantrums in most cases. But what if the tantrums become too much?