How to strengthen the emotional connection with the child
The emotional bond between parents and child is the key to a trusting and loving relationship. The attachment of a child to his parents is not a given, but a long process. Therefore, a single manifestation of love for the child and care for him does not mean that the child will be attached to you. In the same way, individual conflicts with the child do not mean that the emotional connection with him is now broken.
If the child can form a safe attachment to you, it will be very useful to him. Children who have a strong emotional connection with their parents have higher self-esteem and school performance, get along better with people and manage stress than their peers.
Parents can help a child develop a safe attachment. To do this, you need to follow the following rules.
Be a reliable support for the child
Next to you, the child should feel safe. Surround him with care and make him feel comfortable when he is sick or upset. As often as possible, be near the child when he needs it. Feeling safe, the child can independently explore the world around him: he knows that at any moment he will return to you and again feel protected. Encourage your child to try something new. Show that you believe that he is able to cope with new tasks on their own. But at the same time, be there if the child feels uncomfortable.
Be attentive to the child
Spend time with your child and interact with him one – on-one. Find games and activities that you can do together with the child, experiencing pleasure from it. Take the time to listen to the child and talk to him about what he is interested in. Give the child the opportunity to choose classes according to his interests, do not impose your opinion at the same time. It is not important how much time to give to the interaction-it is important to show your affection for the child and pay attention to him. Visual and tactile contact, friendliness and smile will help you strengthen the emotional connection with the child.
Children need a daily routine to make them feel confident and safe. The usual routine of eating, sleeping and other daily activities helps the child to develop discipline skills and feel safe. When the child knows what will happen next, it helps him to move independently from one activity to another.
Be sensitive to the child
Ask yourself, ” How does the child feel now?”or “What does it look like in the eyes of a child?”no.” Do not think that the child sees events in the same way as you do. Do not rush to make conclusions for him. Watch the child – and you will be able to see what is happening through his eyes.
Be emotionally open
The child should be able to see how you Express different emotions. When you see him, Express joy and smile. When you are saddened by something, do not hide your tears from it. Your emotional openness will help your child understand and Express their emotions. If he has different feelings, he will not hide them or pretend.
Do not take the child’s behavior personally
Many parents get hurt when a child pushes them away, runs away or refuses to hug. When a child learns to verbally Express his emotions, you may hear him say: “You are evil!”I hate you!”or even “You’re not my mom anymore!”no.” Do not take these words literally: so the child expresses his fear, anger, disappointment and other negative emotions. He doesn’t know how to do it right yet.
Make sure that your words do not diverge from the actions
For example, when you go into a child’s room in the morning, say to him: “Good morning! How did you sleep?” I missed you while you were sleeping! You’re the best kid in the world. Get up and let’s go for a walk.” The child needs to establish a clear connection between your actions and your voice.
Show your child your expectations of his behavior
Behave with your child as if he is acting exactly in accordance with your expectations. When you come to pick up a child from kindergarten, and he just turns his head in your direction, imagine that he reaches out to you with open arms and smiles. Smile at the child, stretch out your hands to him and say: “Hello! I’ve been waiting for you!” Come to me, I’ll hug you!”no.”
Let your child take the initiative
Young children often feel like the center of the Universe. At a certain stage of development of the child it is normal, moreover-it is important for the child to live this stage. This helps him develop a sense of self-esteem and a better understanding of himself. If the parents support the child at this stage of life, they help him to become more independent. Allow the child to take the initiative (and with it-and responsibility) for themselves. You can even play along with the child and for a while change the roles: he will be a parent, and you-a child.
Make eye contact
If the child does not maintain eye contact-continue to work with him on it, but do not force the child to do so. With small children, you can play by covering your eyes with your hands, and then opening them. Games relax the child, and this makes it easier to get used to eye contact with you.
Be patient with the whims and tantrums of the child
During such manifestations of bad behavior, do not shout at the child and do not leave him. The child wants you to be near him. His behavior will change when he learns to better understand and Express his feelings. React positively to his behavior. Talk to the child: “I think you want to go to dad”, ” do you Want me not to leave, but to stay with you?”no.” If you pull away from the child in such moments, you will only aggravate the situation. Instead, you can gently set boundaries for the child: “I would like you to sit on my lap, but I need to see you, so I will sit next to you.” Stay close to the child and talk to him until he calms down. This does not mean that you go on about the child and succumb to his provocations – of course, except that the purpose of the child is to be near you.
Sometimes you will really need to leave (for example, when there is a younger child in the family and you need to look after him). Your eldest child will understand this in time.
Be especially careful if the child never falls into hysterics and does not show bad behavior. Perhaps he does not know how to talk about their needs and needs your help to learn how to Express their feelings.
Show affection for the child, even if you can not always be near him
If you cannot always be near your child (for example, if you and your spouse are divorced and the child does not live with you), this should not affect your relationship with him. The child can be attached to his new family, and to you. Think of a special ritual when you say goodbye to the child before the next meeting. This will give the child confidence. He understands that you may be upset that you have to break up. But if you show that you are not upset, he will also remain calm. If possible, train your child to spend more time without you, gradually increasing the time between your meetings. However, the first time after a divorce or move spend a lot of time with the child – it will help him get used to life changes. Some children are well helped if next to them will always be a favorite toy or object to which they are accustomed.
You can’t spoil a child with your love
The more the child feels safe, the more independent he will become in the future. The more care and attention you show your child, the less he will resort to bad behavior to get your attention. Your communication with the child will become deeper, and the emotional connection between you-stronger.
The emotional connection of the child with his parents brings him great benefits as he grows and develops. Your care, warmth and predictability in actions will give the child confidence and will contribute to the fact that he independently explored the world around him.