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When the child constantly demands more

Before parents from time to time there is a dilemma: to indulge desires of the child or to designate limits of the allowed. Some children have quite a long list of things they want to have, and if the parents do not fulfill all their desires, they feel dissatisfied. Parents can try their best to save the child from disappointment, indulging all his whims and buying him everything he wants. As a result, however, they realize that their efforts are not enough. Why can some children always be content with what they have and others not?

Understanding child behavior

The desire (or lack of desire) for external encouragement is a certain pattern of behavior. To understand why a child behaves in one way or another, it is necessary to understand that this is how he expresses his emotions or reacts to the emotions of other people. The behavior of the child is a hint to parents about what feelings he is experiencing. An emotionally balanced child (that is, one who does not show signs of concern or depression) is usually satisfied with the external conditions of life. He is comfortable playing alone, adapts well to family rules, is promiscuous in eating and is satisfied that he does not have all the things he would like to have.

Notice the moments when the child strives for more

Parents should pay attention to whether the child’s behavior in a particular case differs from his usual behavior. The desire for external encouragement can take many forms. The child may draw attention to himself or refuse to stay alone (because he feels discomfort), refuse to perform household duties, refuse to eat or be capricious. The desire for external encouragement may arise in the child as a reaction to a recent event (for example, the birth of a brother, the beginning of the school year, etc.). Note whether this behavior only occurred in this case or is repeated periodically.

Switch the child’s attention to his inner world

The desire for external encouragement (or, in other words, for an external remedy against negative emotions) can be a sign of heavy feelings that he is trying to hide or from which he is trying to get rid of or protect himself. When a child shows unusual behavior for him, parents should determine what caused it, and suggest a way to deal with this cause.

For example, you might say to a child, ” Do you think things have been going wrong lately? I will remember that and try to help you.”

When parents don’t understand what caused the child’s behavior, they can say, “You want us to buy you more toys, and I don’t know why. I can buy you toys, and you’ll feel better for a while. But that won’t eliminate what’s bothering you.” This kind of phrase will help you to be open to further communication, and will also give the child to understand that external encouragement is his attempt to relieve internal discomfort.

External and internal means of solving the problem

An external remedy is an attempt to alleviate discomfort through external incentives (for example, when parents buy a child toys or things). Internal means are directed at the internal problem and draw the child’s attention to his inner world, helping to understand the relationship between States of mind and desires. Ideally, to help the child, it is necessary to combine external and internal means, to provide him with support and explain why such support is necessary for him.

Signs that the child needs help

Some children are constantly looking for external encouragement in different forms. If this behavior is manifested in the child constantly and is not caused by some event in life, but causes him discomfort, it is necessary to consult a psychologist. It will help to identify the hidden causes of such behavior of the child and eliminate them.

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